Journal - May 18, 2006

MAY 18 2006

Well, two more interviews done and still more than ever to think about. I almost want to put everything on hold and just go over how this project needs to change. And yet I have more interviews scheduled and so I simply need to get some thinking in, fast.

There are a lot of new things to think about and some major reevaluations need to be made. A focus on tension or conflict, even though it does exist in probably every situation, feels like I’m missing the point. It’s MY point perhaps but totally peripheral in the interview, totally cynical and almost arbitrary in a way that is maybe sad, maybe negative, maybe narrow minded, but definitely missing the point.

For starters, I don’t always find tension or conflict. It’s like I’m searching for the negative and wishing it on people, which is terrible. Secondly, when I do find examples of conflict, they are never cataclysmic or destructive or harrowing, even when they are conflicts of the largest sort. The point that emerges is that weddings are examples hopefulness and optimism, arenas for these feelings, cultivated events for these feelings. The point is that all tensions are inferior to hope and optimism, that conflict can be overcome or at least believed to be overcome. The point is faith, despite all complications, difficulties, or evidence against it. The point – again I have to say it – is love and the power of love. It sounds cliché but there it is: the truth I have been avoiding.

Another interesting question is whether a parallel point of weddings is to cultivate these feelings, perhaps even when they may not be prominent. Cultivate faith, hope, optimism, in the community but more significantly, in the couple. There is a paradigm to confront, meet and match. Weddings are the apex of happiness; marriage is forever. In regard to your wedding these are not truths to question or disagree with. After engagement, no one is above these “truths” and to do so is to question your partner, your relationship, love itself and to be a poor sport of sorts. That is why the controlling (or otherwise negative) bride character is so attacked. She initiates conflict, addresses conflict, opposes the paradigm of peaceful acceptance of this perfection in love and unity. She is the real in contrast to the dream.

I want to start thinking about making something. I am getting antsy to make something. I’m excited for the long shot of a wedding reception and am now beginning to rethink what the inserted clips will be. Will they still be about seating? About tension? Should they be about hope? Should this piece be about hope? It is a really good subject, as far as I’m concerned. Should it be about the mundane (i.e. the long shot of the reception) containing the extraordinary? Perhaps I need to think about other shots that would take the place of this long reception shot. Maybe the mundane is actually too boring. If I’m not talking about seating then why would I do that? What am I interested in talking about now? How is the “point” made tangible or visible? I need to look at all my footage before I continue further.