Thoughts, anxieties

One of the things I am struggling is making a choice. I think I have too many choices and possibilities and its very distracting. Too many delicious dishes at the buffet and I can’t really let myself eat them all. The topic at hand is very large—although its getting smaller—albeit painfully slowly. I am feeling very consumptive lately, like Krishna I want to swallow the whole (soccer) world. To narrow my focus would likely be infinitely helpful, and as Jose Luis suggested, would still serve as a microcosm to the macrocosm.

I am relegating my focus again to the ball. I do seem to come to it often. I bought a soccer ball this weekend and kicked it around. Felt its weight. Tried to bounce it off my head, which was hard because I am a secret dork who is actually afraid of balls.

The choreography of the ball, the inevitable result or theatre that results from all these conflicting sources is curious to me. The ball on its own is innate, rather innocent object, that gets kicked around. Subjected to very human desires and wills. I am suddenly reminded of a video that showed a strangely savage and possibly cathartic soap-opera-esque dialog with an inanimate wooden bunny.

Marking choreography sort of soothes me. In this case the ball is a distraction from the craziness I keep encountering on the outside. Strangely it makes me feel a bit in control—the screaming fans and the oddly placid BBC announcer can be ignored as re-watch plays.

BUT what of it. I can’t keep marking up paper forever I guess.

Incidentally I found this fascinating article: http://www.iht.com/articles/2001/05/30/soccer_ed3__17.php 

 In sum there was a skirmish with the Ecuadorian team way back in 2001. It’s a little complicated but what caught MY eye was the fact that between the bullet in the leg and the kidnapping is the involvement of one Sr. Abdala Bucaram. One of Ecuador’s notorious former and ousted presidents. I was in my teens and I vividly remember the endless strike (we ended up having to make-up missed school days on Saturdays), the coup, the fight over who would fill Bucaram’s place. It is claimed he lost his presidency because he was “crazy”. He was a little eccentric, and had already been exiled to Panama years ago for political corruption, only to return during the late 90’s and get re-elected. Anyways, that he would be somewhat implicated this messy affair is rather intriguing.